These Are Real Classified Ads. And They’re Absolutely Hilarious

These are not fake – they are real classified ads. And even though they were meant to sell something or solve a particular problem, all they do is make you laugh. Enjoy!

Wife Knows Best

In the end, this man understands that in general, the wife knows best. Never mind the collection of encyclopedias. His wife has all the information he needs.

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This is an ode to the good ol’ idiom: happy wife means a happy life. Good for him for understanding.

Tomato to the Head

We have so many questions about this one. Firstly, what’s the story here? What happened in the 1950s that would create a scene where someone would get hit with a tomato?

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Did people reply to his ad? And why does this person want to speak to the man or woman that got hit? Ah… maybe he’s the one that threw the tomato. Okay, we get it. He wants to apologize.

The next classified ad is pretty unsettling!

Surgeon With No Experience

It’s always lovely when employers offer people new opportunities to start and grow, not needing loads of experience to get the job. But…

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There are some professions in which the more exposure, the better. We want to think a surgeon is one of those.

Mr. Giggles

Don’t mind the frightening photo worthy of showing up in your nightmares. This dog is actually really good with children!

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Seriously, couldn’t this person have chosen a better photo to use as a selling point? It’s classic marketing – smiles attract people, not ferocious Rottweilers.

The next ad is about a car that speaks…

Spanish- Speaking Honda

Yes, that’s right. This 1996 Honda Civic speaks Spanish! It also has good mileage, is in excellent condition, and plays radio and CDs. But who cares about those things! This car speaks Spanish!

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This ad shouldn’t be in the classifieds. This car owner should be talking with NASA or the White House. Something official. He has a car that speaks!

Go on a Journey

This person is serious. He said it himself: this is not a joke. Take a risk, will you? Go on a journey through time! Hey, at least you’re getting paid.

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Thing is, you have to wait until you get back. And who knows how long that’ll be. Or if you’ll back at all. Either way, good luck.

The next ad was trying to sell something that could either be worth a lot or absolutely nothing.

Possibly Valuable Soccer Ball

At least the one that made this ad is honest. They’re saying it could go one of two ways: it’s either signed by a really famous soccer player or by some dude named Peter.

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For their sake, we hope it’s the soccer player. And if it is, then they should be asking for way more than $75.

Used Tombstone

We’re only wondering why a tombstone is being sold. Is there a buried body under it? And who’s Homer?

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The fact that this person thinks there could be someone else by that name is fantastic. And they even noted that there is only one. So if there are two Homer Hendel Bergen Heinzals, sorry buddy, the first one already bought it.

Next up, a message for Lester…

Lester, You Have a Message

What’s the story with Lester? Because she seems really angry. Whoever and wherever Lester is, he needs to know what the latest is.

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So there you go, Lester. She’s getting married. There’s nothing you or her dysfunctional sister can do about it.

Used What?

Sure, many things that are used can be sold. Cars, furniture, even clothes. But toilet paper?? Come on now.

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We’re going to hope that this person meant used as in the bag has already been opened. And that the paper itself hasn’t been used.

Next up: someone lost their mind.

Where is His Mind?

Okay so this may be a real ad found in a newspaper, but we’re going to safely assume that it was done as a joke or a prank.

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Either way, it’s a pretty good one. There’s a real phone number there that was blurred out. It would be interesting to know what kind of calls this guy received.

A Strange Collection

We all know those people who like to collect. And they don’t have to be hoarders. Some people like to collect a healthy amount of stickers, stamps, or pipes.

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But who collects old people? And they’re selling them! People may have called the authorities after seeing this ad.

The next ad is a tad worrisome.

Poor Cat

People seem to like china cabinets. But not so much if there are scratch marks from a cat. But if you’re worried about the scratches, it’s okay because the cat has been killed…

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What the heck? Did they kill the cat? Who writes that in a classified ad?

Used Dentures

Here’s another example of something that should not be sold after it’s already been used. And they said “hardly used”. As if that’s going to make it any better. And there are two teeth missing even!

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The point is here that these dentures were barely used. And who cares if two teeth are missing. It’s better than having none, right?

Work For Less!

Tired of working for $9.75 per hour? Work for even less! This job is offering you less than your already too-low hourly wage.

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Tell us, please, in which world would this ad be a good selling point?